“Let’s upgrade that bromance into a mengagement.”

“Did you notice that? I ignored you.”

Submitted by: @faystubby

“You can’t scare me, I know how to sew.”

Submitted by: @swiftretribution

“If you think about it porn is basically Vlogging.”

A: “Yeah but are they gay.”
B: “Yes?…”
A: “I’m sold.”

Submitted by: @mslordess

“Aren’t citrus fruits just spicier than normal fruits?”

Submitted by: @shiba-ohno

A: “Currently drinking wine with my roomies.”
B: “…At 11:24 in the morning.”
A: “Hey, It’s Five o’ clock somewhere!”
B: “Where you are it’s 11:24.”

A: “Finals week is coming up so fast.”
B: “I wish I was a race horse with a broken leg so someone would take me out back and fucking shoot me.”

Submitted by: @i-swear-to-god 

“We’re gonna get turnt! The PG kind!”

Submitted by: @bluekittyoyo

A: “I should run to the store.”
B: “Why?”
A: “Well we have no milk, which means we’ll have no milk tomorrow too.”